Warning: Silly piece featuring silly things, but spoiler alert for all of Breaking Bad nonetheless...
With only five episodes of Breaking Bad left, things have gotten so dark that the big question seems to have moved past "who dies?" and landed on "who dies first?" Now, one wouldn't think that a show clearly driving us all toward a catastrophic reckoning would be ripe for a spinoff, but creator Vince Gilligan is currently working out the details for a Saul Goodman spinoff (prequel?) series. A show which, I assume, would be slightly tonally different and more prone to wise-cracking and misadventures. That is unless we discover that Saul became shady attorney out of desperation because he was diagnosed with cancer.
But who else from Breaking Bad's blue meth-verse could get their own show? Granted, most of these ideas, like the Saul show, make more sense as prequels since the characters involved have either already gotten bumped off or they possibly don't have much time left. But let's have some fun with this. Let's get silly. Let's tread heavily all over this concept.
So here's what I see:
Badger and Skinny Pete head out to Los Angeles to try and make it in the movie business. Because not only does Badger have dreams about Star Trek pie eating contests, but he also has some concept art for a Manimal reboot, a Men Behaving Badly spec script, and some cocktail napkin notes about a possible Good Wife/Duck Dynasty crossover. The only thing standing in their way to fame and fortune are their terrible, terrible ideas and their crippling meth addiction.
She might be a fidgety, high-strung, high-maintenence meth lord who coldly delegates all parenting duties for her daughter to a nanny, but Lydia Rodarte-Quayle's love life is...also a disaster. You know how in TV and movies some career women can handle their business with straight "A"s, but then they flunk out when it comes to men? Well, she's horrible at both! So let's follow her on her misadventures in the dating world, where she tries everything from internet hook-ups to being set up by her mother. Trouble is, she really only has one type...
Guys, Breaking Bad is going off the air and now the internet will have no more TV wives to hate! The Walking Dead and Boardwalk Empire both solved their wife problems, and Skyler's all that remains! What'll we do? Well, with Walt gone (we assume?), she'll just have to get remarried of course. To a whole new twisted anti-hero. Maybe to a corrupt D.A. who kills in the dark of night. Maybe she'll wed a small-time baker who's really a mobster. As long as she can keep regularly condemning the actions of criminals who we enjoy watching break the law, we can keep the irrational hate flowing.
Just kidding. Skyler's awesome. In fact, I wrote a piece about how great she is last week. Check it.
No Chilean records exist for Gustavo Fring before 1986. Which means...TOTALLY 80s GUS! The crazy party college years!
Keggers, panty raids, wet t-shirt concerts, Oingo Boingo randomly playing a live set in a campus bar - this show'll be like Freaks and Geeks but without any of those annoying freaks or pesky geeks. Because the one thing you'll learn about the reserved, calculating Gus Fring's past is that he was a 24/7 party animal. In fact, his eventual foray into the meth business was just him subconsciously trying to keep the party going...forever.
More Breaking Bad spinoff wackiness on Page 2!
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